Lately I've been contemplating whether it is worthwile if I am to go forward with my plan to further my studies elsewhere.
Three years back, I was hell bent on studying my ass off over the course of my diploma studies so that I can study abroad to such an extent where I set myself a Vision 07 - created while I was accompanying my dad for his meeting in Langkawi - and had not gone astray in my quest for overseas education, which is testament to my desire to do so. And so, I succeeded in getting a desirable score in my diploma, and I have the choice to embark on the journey knowing that I'm as good as anyone else who shares the same ambition as I do. And be with those friends and families whom I was envious of for them having the opportunity I don't have up until now.
But somehow, as time passes by, my desire to go that extra mile has gone away little by little. I just spoke to a friend this morning and she hit home that "grey-area" questions and doubts that have gotten into me for quite a time now.
Now for starters, I'm not an adventurous guy. And so I don't like to change things if things are going well. I am now doing my degree and things are sorted out perfectly already. I know what I should aim for at this moment and over the next few years of my studying. I have made (and still am making) friends, old and new and many lecturers know me. I have a cozy place to stay with nice housemates and (cute) neighbours and I cycle to class like some fucking environmentalist.
Secondly, I would have wasted another 6 months of my life crawling my way up the hill of academicia for a degree which is as good a degree I can get over here if I manage to repeat my feat during my diploma days. And that adds to another 6 months I wasted during my time doing matrix.
Thirdly, despite how many times I say I despise Arau, somehow the place has grown over me...
And so, I basically have everything laid out in front of me and I just have to follow the route and feel secure about myself. Which is the way I would like it to be. Secured.
But really, the opportunity of studying abroad doesn't come easily. With the diploma I'm having I can be convinced that I can reach that ambition I was fighting for for the past 3 years. And I'm not convinced of pulling the sort of result I got during then in my degree. And of course, the many useful and precious experience and the different people and culture which can only be obtained abroad.
I'm in a real dilemma.
p/s : sorry for tagging you guys, but i need your opinions... and i'm emoing like a cow on pms! sorry again...
