Cholesterol Kills You Know.

As Malaysians all over the world are celebrating the joyous festival of Eid Mubarak, it is hard for them not to control the urge to pig themselves out the various Malaysia Raya-themed cholesterol rich delicacies.

Popular dishes such as the classic 'ketupat', 'lemang', 'pulut kuning' and the spicy santan-rich 'rendang ayam' to the modern day favourites like 'nasi daging with dalca', 'chocolate cake with Betty Crocker Super Fucking Sweet Choco-frostings' and 'kuih tunjuk pelbagai' are taking valuable spaces off the dining tables, coffee tables, study tables and even the stools of homes across the country. And the spaces of the country's populations' tummies aren't spared either.

This comes as no surprise as to the fact that an

outdated statistics dating back April 7th 2006 by the NST reported that a whopping 3 million Malaysians are affected with high cholesterol, with 2.1 million of them suffering from diabetes. Obese people counted for more than 25% of the country's populace. It's like saying 1 out 4 people we know are fat arse!

Therefore, in the spirit of Hari Raya, we have asked the people around on how to behave ourselves in front of the super high cholesterol yummies while doing the visits to friends' and families' open house and keep our waist size sexy.

Puan Azizah Rasool

KTM Operator

"Over the years I've seen those uni kids queuing for train tickets for 'balik kampong' grow 2 inches bigger when they return from

their Raya break. Their tummies bloated out of their skimpy jeans, and the cheeks look as though they're mouth are stuffed with tennis balls even though they aren't! It has been the same for 20 years now. It is high time they serve vegies and fruits instead for Hari Raya."

Zaid Mohamad

Indie Rock Star

"I can't stand watching fat people looking so haplessly tired on the mosh pit jumping like tired cows during my Raya gigs. The scene of fat women in tight jeans is as suffocating as being blank while sitting for a test in a fucking cold exam hall and you completely forgot to bring the calculator cos it has math problems in it. The food served during Raya open house should be less fattening. Moms' everywhere should look over what their children, and husbands eat. Slap their faces when they eat too much Rose Almond London."

Vengkejenkades s/o Applenaidoo

Unemployed

"Before you eat, you sing and dance. After you eat, you sing and dance again. It can burn down the calories and make you tired. Bollywood songs and dance-moves have been around for hundred of years not for nothing you know!"

p/s : Zaid of the future, during this time you have suffered from 2 super pain heart burns and even envisaged the cause of your death to be because of cholesterol.

And as usual, Raya tv is boring like hell as mak cik Siti Nurhaliza and stupid movies with tasteless jokes are conquering every tv channel there is on Astro. But this year's Raya, "Laskar Pelangi" showed that quality Raya tv is not dead, yet. A meaningful, inspirational and highly moving. I almost cried if not for my relatives being around. Lintang deserves better. And I should be grateful for what I have. Alhamdulillah...

Minal aidin wal faidzin everyone!

Of Satires, Sarcasm and "Luahan Hati Golongan Sarkies"

"Sarcasm is a pleasure but it should never be embraced by those who can't control their emotion..."

- Some cute boy I've known for 10 years now

Zaid of the future, if you're reading this you will notice that it was a pretty sad period for satire at the moment.

Hayibo.com announced 4 days ago that they're closing down shop due to funding problems thus depriving you, Zaid of your weekly shot of satire grande' (yeah, they're your number 1 satire site since the unforgettable vuvuzela ranting masterpiece).

And just as recently and within our own shores, Hassan Skodeng of the Nose4news fame is being dragged into and out of court for a rather nonsensical accusation of spreading lies and flaming (to put it simply, for I'm no law/journo student) for a satire-standard entitled "TNB to sue WWF Over Earth Hour". Which was funny as hell the first time I read it through a few months ago. And of course, knowing it was (to quote it from the site itself), true lies.

Though it seems that some overseas-educated GLC big wigs happen to fail to grasp what's what. Talking about lacking sense of humour, I wonder how their kids cope up with them.

Anyway, just had a chatter with an old friend from my days in KK (the chatter is put in chronological order below). Amazingly, we shared something in common. The only reason I'm posting this up is because Zaid, it has been a looong time since you had any discussion with anyone resembling anything of intelligence (this one is pretty much 35%, perhaps less, but I'm getting there!) and the fact that that old friend of yours is cute. Haha!

If there happen to be anyone else reading this, hopefully you will learn a little something about us the sarkies. Yeah, we have bad personality alright, but we're not endangered species so we'll be hanging around your neighbourhood a little lot longer than you think :P

Btw, I think I got the "you and me" tangled up up there, but you get the point right? Righttt??? :B

Thank you.

ps : Though it might be a month too late, but I think I have to give a mention about the movie "The Expendables" for being the awesomest ultra-badass movie ever. Like everrrr!!! And I thought I almost grow some chest hair after watching the movie! A testosterone overload, don't let your girlfriends watch it, they might grow some mustache after watching Sylvester Stallone et al. shoot the hell out of peoples' head with their bazookas! :B

pss : My silver baby arrived yesterday. Her name is Baby Milmo. Pardon the cheesy-ness, but the i-10 is sooo cute I can't help but keep calling her Bebeyyy!!! Though obviously at 1.10, she is not meant for racing on the motorway :B

psss : My target amount of duit raya collection this year is RM50. Saham jatuh cos dah tua, but getting RM50 even when I'm 22 is like equating myself to an overvalued stock, no?? Haha!

To Ikha.

The first time I saw you this semester I knew that I love you.

I remember the time when I was walking past you countless times at Mushroom, and the time when I saw you and your friends going to class while I was hanging out with my friends at the foyer at HEP.

And also that time when I was waiting for a friend at Bank Islam during some carnival I fail to recall, only to tell her that I wanna wait there longer at the bank just to catch a further glimpse of your face (you were behind her at the ATM queue), and of course at Oren while I was having lunch with my friends. And I remember that whenever I looked into your eyes during those times, you would offer me a smile that melts me deep inside. And I'd happily smile back in return, grateful to have you acknowledging my existence. That few seconds of contact for me was magic.

That's when I realised that this is it, you're the one for me.

Without doubt, because of your smile, I had a huge crush on you babe. THAT huge! Which every time I saw you, I felt the urge to go straight to you and ask for your number, and your name, so that I can text you and later tell you of my feeling towards you which I can't help concealing anymore. But somehow, each and every time that chance of seeing you arose, cowardice failed me. But really, I was desperate to at least know your name, which had been a question lingering over my head for over a month.

That was about to change. The day I saw you with your friend Riri that Wednesday evening at the Ramadan bazaar at Mushroom gave me the drive to go that extra mile. You wore a pink top that day babe, and your smile was as sweet as the jagung madu :P

I decided to make contact with you no matter what, and so I searched for you on facebook. I remember Riri and so I was scouring through her friends list from A to Z, searching for that smile that captivated me, that lovely face that has been etching deep in my mind for over a month. They say perseverance is key to success, perhaps that is indeed the case. And finally that Wednesday evening, I knew the name of the person I have fallen for.

Zulaikha Zainal Abidin, this is my story...