Of Satires, Sarcasm and "Luahan Hati Golongan Sarkies"

"Sarcasm is a pleasure but it should never be embraced by those who can't control their emotion..."

- Some cute boy I've known for 10 years now

Zaid of the future, if you're reading this you will notice that it was a pretty sad period for satire at the moment.

Hayibo.com announced 4 days ago that they're closing down shop due to funding problems thus depriving you, Zaid of your weekly shot of satire grande' (yeah, they're your number 1 satire site since the unforgettable vuvuzela ranting masterpiece).

And just as recently and within our own shores, Hassan Skodeng of the Nose4news fame is being dragged into and out of court for a rather nonsensical accusation of spreading lies and flaming (to put it simply, for I'm no law/journo student) for a satire-standard entitled "TNB to sue WWF Over Earth Hour". Which was funny as hell the first time I read it through a few months ago. And of course, knowing it was (to quote it from the site itself), true lies.

Though it seems that some overseas-educated GLC big wigs happen to fail to grasp what's what. Talking about lacking sense of humour, I wonder how their kids cope up with them.

Anyway, just had a chatter with an old friend from my days in KK (the chatter is put in chronological order below). Amazingly, we shared something in common. The only reason I'm posting this up is because Zaid, it has been a looong time since you had any discussion with anyone resembling anything of intelligence (this one is pretty much 35%, perhaps less, but I'm getting there!) and the fact that that old friend of yours is cute. Haha!

If there happen to be anyone else reading this, hopefully you will learn a little something about us the sarkies. Yeah, we have bad personality alright, but we're not endangered species so we'll be hanging around your neighbourhood a little lot longer than you think :P

Btw, I think I got the "you and me" tangled up up there, but you get the point right? Righttt??? :B

Thank you.

ps : Though it might be a month too late, but I think I have to give a mention about the movie "The Expendables" for being the awesomest ultra-badass movie ever. Like everrrr!!! And I thought I almost grow some chest hair after watching the movie! A testosterone overload, don't let your girlfriends watch it, they might grow some mustache after watching Sylvester Stallone et al. shoot the hell out of peoples' head with their bazookas! :B

pss : My silver baby arrived yesterday. Her name is Baby Milmo. Pardon the cheesy-ness, but the i-10 is sooo cute I can't help but keep calling her Bebeyyy!!! Though obviously at 1.10, she is not meant for racing on the motorway :B

psss : My target amount of duit raya collection this year is RM50. Saham jatuh cos dah tua, but getting RM50 even when I'm 22 is like equating myself to an overvalued stock, no?? Haha!

To Ikha.

The first time I saw you this semester I knew that I love you.

I remember the time when I was walking past you countless times at Mushroom, and the time when I saw you and your friends going to class while I was hanging out with my friends at the foyer at HEP.

And also that time when I was waiting for a friend at Bank Islam during some carnival I fail to recall, only to tell her that I wanna wait there longer at the bank just to catch a further glimpse of your face (you were behind her at the ATM queue), and of course at Oren while I was having lunch with my friends. And I remember that whenever I looked into your eyes during those times, you would offer me a smile that melts me deep inside. And I'd happily smile back in return, grateful to have you acknowledging my existence. That few seconds of contact for me was magic.

That's when I realised that this is it, you're the one for me.

Without doubt, because of your smile, I had a huge crush on you babe. THAT huge! Which every time I saw you, I felt the urge to go straight to you and ask for your number, and your name, so that I can text you and later tell you of my feeling towards you which I can't help concealing anymore. But somehow, each and every time that chance of seeing you arose, cowardice failed me. But really, I was desperate to at least know your name, which had been a question lingering over my head for over a month.

That was about to change. The day I saw you with your friend Riri that Wednesday evening at the Ramadan bazaar at Mushroom gave me the drive to go that extra mile. You wore a pink top that day babe, and your smile was as sweet as the jagung madu :P

I decided to make contact with you no matter what, and so I searched for you on facebook. I remember Riri and so I was scouring through her friends list from A to Z, searching for that smile that captivated me, that lovely face that has been etching deep in my mind for over a month. They say perseverance is key to success, perhaps that is indeed the case. And finally that Wednesday evening, I knew the name of the person I have fallen for.

Zulaikha Zainal Abidin, this is my story...

My Aboh Said, "Alright Now, Go Scour the Net for a Car"

... "and it has got to cost less than RM45k ok?"

And so I did, scouring through Toyota and Citroen sites - Citroen website is potentially the most unhelpful site ever cos it keeps leading me to this interactive world map thing just to showcase their decent flash skills and even more perplexing is that when I clicked "View all products", it lead me nowhere other than redirecting me to "the world map". Totally pointless to even go there. There, don't say I didn't warn you.

And with my dad being kind enough to actually walk a decent few hundred metres to the Toyota/Hyundai showrooms just right in front of my house to talk to the dealer and got back with a few brochures, I got a better picture of which car costs how much here in Malaysia.

So, the hot saucy twins from management math whom I have quite a crush at the moment drive a pricy RM88k Toyota Rush which effectively confirms my view that they're (not that I initially thought they're not) stinking rich chicks.

Antara dua darjat sungguh...

A Hyundai Getz is just about RM10k over the budget and an i30 is a whopping RM90k++, which really belies the look and feel that I got from the brochure. A Honda Jazz is a superb car, scoring a stellar 15/20 based on the reliable source from the guys at Top Gear. Though the price is yet again is out of my range. Unless if it's a second hand (Ady told me a second hand C3 is RM28k).

Two cars would easily top the list of my ideal car - money-wise, and of course the style and purpose - a Toyota AYGO (14/20) and a Citroen C1. Unfortunately Toyota received a massive blow after having to recall all of it's AYGOs earlier this year, due to a single complain coming from a faulty accelerator pedal, which should've been a very very remote case at best. By the way, for those uninformed, the Toyota AYGO, Citroen C1 and the Peugeot 107 are basically the same car, only difference is the interior, the "backside" and the badge. Perhaps the electronics too, but overall they're about the same. And all three scored well in Top Gear's car reviews.

The Toyota AYGO is my definite choice, but... (pix from topspeed.com)

But the most unfortunate thing of all, neither one of the three are available in Malaysia. A Toyota AYGO would make a perfect choice; stylish, cheap (8.5k British Pounds, around RM45k), good after-sale service, and it's a Toyota, the same badge with the super hot twin sisters! A Citroen C1 would've been a capable backup choice due to it being another stylish and cheap car. A C3 though only scored a meagre 11/20, despite it's cool looking exterior. But unless it's a second hand, the price is out of the budget, and I might opt for it! A Peugeot 107 costs more than the earlier two mentioned in the UK.

The Citroen C1. The backup choice is not even available in Malaysia. (Pix from http://citroen-cars-gallery.blogspot.com/2009/03/citroen-c1.html)

So I am now left with the dilemma of having to either make do with a Proton Saga (no Top Gear review on the car, but it's my mom's favoured choice), a Perodua MYVI, which scored a decent 10/20 though the "backside" looks like a real human one (Viva would be better, no?), or the tiny, cheap, pensioner-like-exterior but amazingly highly rated by most sites - Hyundai i10 (13/20, 14/20 at last review from Top Gear, which is not bad at all!).

Might be going to the showroom for a better look at the i10. Hope that it's not too small. But even if it is...

Currently number 1 in my personal choice, due to it's super fuel-economics feature. And Top Gear's convincing reviews. (Pix from connect.in.com)

World Cup Winners Spain, Imam Muda, Gang-Trip, Naz the Hero and other Assorted Ramblings.

I seem to have a problem of keeping my blog active.

You see, those bloggers with 200++ followers I believe tend to have an unhealthy tendencies of blogging every day - posting useless stuffs such as uploading sexually suggestive pictures of themselves licking a sundae at one of the few hundred McD's in the country to writing friendship/romantic poems that rival the great Shakespeare in the sense that they are hard to understand - and of course, "blogwalking", which is a new word I picked up earlier this year for people with no life or those who are close to commit suicide out of boredom, stalking other people's blog and leaving comments on your blog while making shameless plugs for others to visit, which I can shamelessly admit of doing so sometimes at those blogs owned by some *coughs* hot chicks. :B

But at least I didn't do it everyday...

Anyways, back to the mission of trying to prolong the longetivity of this blog, I have decided to go gung-ho in this post by "updating" you Zaid of the future, and of course to his 18++ followers (and those who I will shamelessly tag on facebook), on whatever things I'll be posting in right about now...

1. Spain won the World Cup 5 days ago and the entire event saw several stars announcing their presence in the world stage. Mesut Ozil and Kaisuke Honda are just 2 of the names that might be in hot pursuit of a few hundred thousand "Football Managers" worldwide when the next edition of FM comes out. But one star in particular is nontransferable - at least not in the celebrated football management simulation - which is Paul the Psychic seafood, which as of yesterday or so just transferred to a Madrid zoo in an exchange of another animal and a few cash. The octopus endured a lot in this year's World Cup; it managed to predict 8 games straight correctly and survived countless death threats along the way; from being "properly" beaten and cooked by an Argentinian celebrity chef in his cooking show to being publicly barbecued by angry Germans and to being transferred into a tank of sharks.
2. For 2 weeks, I still have yet to get my class and course registration problem sorted. I, Zaid Mohamad would like to blame the bloody UiTM computer system for responding like a battered snail on stout cos it took me forever to access whatever server they offer us to get our registration settled. I would also like to blame the (20k++ thousand) new students who I assume have caused the "traffic-jams" in the system. And not to forget, the new KP for causing confusions of perilous proportion, causing irreversible damage to my morale for the new semester by separating me with my "gang" and having me to make do with Pingu for yet presumably another miserable semester.
3. "Hello! I think I like you still. Any chance this time around? I love your specs". - What do you look for in a woman? Do you look for someone who is motherly or someone who wears nice specs? Or someone who can bake cheesecakes?
4. Had a gang-trip to a waterfall in Lata Mengkuang (sp?) last Friday. I was wearing the kopiah my mom bought me from Uzbekistan and together with Topek, we managed to scare the shit out of this pair of love birds whom we assumed were making underwater sexual act. They immediately left the water upon seeing my colourful kopiah head and even offered us a senyum kambing, filled with guilt. I still feel good about it, Imam Muda will be proud of me.
5. Watched Despicable Me in SP and I give it a 3.5/5. An excellent movie for the family. But some Indian parents left their noisy Indian children to roam around the place as if it's a nursery or sorts. Or were they making sex at the back? Imam Muda should be alert about this!
6. Right after that, mighty Naz drove all 14 of us to a hot spring which Ain and Wawa told me is a place very near to Kulim. We arrived there around 2.30am and the place was awesome. Though the sights of the much sought after steamy moments of couples engaging in steamy sexual acts are few and mild at best, the steamy water and good company pretty much made up for the disappointment. Mighty Naz then went on to drive again the legendary white Ford (or was it a Nissan?) van despite the obvious lack of sleep (popular belief suggests he stayed up for 22 hours) and all 15 of us arrived safely in Araustralia around 9am. We were lost along the way before we reached "home", though.
7. I've been living on potato and corn chips for the past 3 days. The addiction returns... And oh! Twisties' Bolognese&Cheese Onion is A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!!!!
8. Underwear is for losers who pretend that they fight for freedom without actually practicing it.
9. As of 12am today, the price of petrol has gone up by 5 cents per litre and the IMF projection for inflation in ACP (average consumer price) for this year of 2% might be an understatement. I expect more when the IMF staff revised their projection come September. This year might be the highest since Pak Lah went nuts by increasing the petrol price and affected the price of goods to a whooping 5.4% inflation rate in 2008. (Average inflation rate since the 1997 crisis was 2-3% based on IMF and the CIA World Factbook). We need subsidies still lar Najib. We produce oil maaa...

The closest resemblance of the van that took us around Kedah.

Imam Muda is 3rd from left. And mighty Naz is avoiding the B.O. from Topek's stinky armpits.

4 Years Ago.

Almost exactly 4 years ago, I was in KMK.
I was lost in the midst of a grueling 8-hour lectures, labs and tutorials, the alienating feeling of Kelantanism, the amazing combo of ikan jeket and air paip for lunch and dinner, and the miserable lab reports that seemed to be a never ending horror. And as of July 5th that year, mid sem exam did not even fear half of my butt chic.
And I was lamenting the need for the library to block Friendster (remember that thing?).
There was a chick from life science, she's cute but she had a small line of mustache on her lips. Or something like that.

Almost exactly 4 years ago, it was a World Cup year.
Kaka was still an AC Milan player, and Dida was the undisputed number 1. Made-in-Inter Calciopoli was being investigated by the court, and clubs fear of being penalized.
Italy started their World Cup campaign in the usual slow manner, and gathered momentum as the the tournament progressed. They played extremely well, and defensively Italian - Buffon only conceded 2 goals; an own-goal and a penalty - and Canavarro was Baresi and Gattuso was a beast.

4 years on, I'm about to return to my Arau campus.
Lectures, lab and tutorials won't steal away 8 hours of my life every weekdays there, the number of Kelantanese people I have to deal with is enough to make them feel that THEY are the aliens, ikan jaket and air paip is now consigned to the far-away history of my personal dark age, and I have no lab reports to deal with whatsoever. Hell, I don't even have lab in the first place. Though finance assignments might affect my frail health again come next semester.
Friendster is now ancient history as Facebook and last.fm make headways, and I have my own personal broadband that blocks nothing on the web whatsoever.
There's a girl, she was in a different class last semester. She looks decent and seamlessly stole my heart. I still can't get her out of my system.

4 years on, it's another World Cup year.
Kaka is now a Real Madrid player, and Dida returns to Brazil. Inter the cheater capitalized on the Calciopoli that wrongfully affected her other rivals, and has now built a strong team. Indeed, because of Calciopoli.
Italy started their World Cup campaign slowly, only to fail to gather momentum and stumbled at the first hurdle. Defensively Italy were not being Italian, Buffon was injured - Machetti conceded 4 of the 5 goals mostly from set pieces - Canavarro played like a retired star on an exhibition match, and Gattuso only had his facial hair to show that he is still a beast. Inter Milan failed to provide a single Italian of note who can contribute greatly for the national team. Apart from Calciopoli, Inter's lack of Italian players in the first team did Italy a disservice.


Posts from 4 years ago...

http://nosurprises2.blogspot.com/2006/06/world-cup.html
http://nosurprises2.blogspot.com/2006/07/5-minutes.html
http://nosurprises2.blogspot.com/2006/07/shoot-me.html
http://nosurprises2.blogspot.com/2006/07/untitled-1.html